all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
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but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
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Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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