just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
