the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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