I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
