we have pet lesbian snakes
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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