Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
