And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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