Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
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That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
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Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
me + whiskey = a bad person
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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