Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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