I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
