Barsexuality is the new black.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
