the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
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