Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
