I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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