i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
