Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
It's shark week go big or go home
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
