did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
they need to just BURY HIM!
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
