From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
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If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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