I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I want to be your penis for a week.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
i think i just lost a toe
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
