don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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