So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
