i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
