The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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