Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
