After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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