Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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