Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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