We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
