I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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