so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
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So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
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A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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