Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
My vagina just clenched in fear
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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