Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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