Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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