So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Randomize
