i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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