# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
