the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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