Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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