Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
