Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
