Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
my nose is crying tears of wow.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
