Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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