I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
