She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
