Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
