She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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