My room smells like vodka and shame
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
