we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
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