A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
