Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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