what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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