I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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