You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She bit a glass in half.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
