Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize