sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
