dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
