My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
