Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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