he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I AM VODKA MAN
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
