he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
