Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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