So many bounce houses so little time
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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