He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
this hospital has no fireball
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
