9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
