when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize