I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
