I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
