woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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