the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
