Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
