if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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