when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
