You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
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