i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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